Round one: Respect and assertiveness
The Nesquik bunny: the kids worship him. He has his
bling and skateboards and crap . Then always gets refreshed with some nesquik chocolate milk. The kids no that is they
cross the rabbit he'll drown them in chocolate milk , everyone shows him the proper respect.
The Trix Bunny: everyone pushes him around. He has never even
got to taste the product he is representing! What a loser. Plus every commercial the kids make him look stupid and call him
a silly rabbit and they always suggest that he is a has-been old geezer! They're like "Silly rabbit , Trix are for kids!"
How do they know how old he is? I think they're just calling him and old washed up nobody . The Trix rabbit should just paint
welcome on his chest and then become a doormat.
Winner: Nesquick rabbit
Round two: appearance
Nesquik bunny: Is always ready for his cue. He looks like a
super star with his bent ear and his devil-may-care gaze he has captured the hearts of everyone. I've even seen photos
when he is in a suit. Yes , the nesquik bunny knows it helps to have the look.
Trix bunny: Is a complete failure , he just walks around in
the nude with some stupid look on his face. He is completely white and has no fur or hair , disgusting.
Winner: Nesquik rabbit
Round three : selling power
Nesquik bunny: This guy looks cool , acts cool and is considered
to be "the bomb". He is a talking rabbit so he must be smart and he is always playing sports and stuff so he is in shape.
However his downfall might be his persistance. See kids can't drink chocolate milk 24/7 and he is always trying to mooch nesquik
off people with his posse {made up of kids} but what if the kids desert him and get sick of him being so controling and etc.?
It could spell trouble for the Nesquik rabbit.
Trix bunny: This guy is uncharismatic and a pussy. He is a
complete mess and a loser. Amazingly this is exactly why he sells. He never gets to eat any "Trix" so people go and buy it
to throw it back in his face and remind him how much he sucks because he can't even eat his own product. This may in the future
make him kill himself , for now it is a great selling tool.
Winner: Trix rabbit
Round #4: More profitable
Nesquik bunny: The Nesquik bunny does his job and does it well
and is worth the money he gets paid becaue as earlier mentioned he is "the bomb" ,great actor.
Trix bunny: This guy is such a peice of crap that you would
only have to give him a dime and he would feel overpaid and in your debt. Even though he is the star of the commercials he
doesn't realize it so you could make this moron fetch the janitor his coffee.
Winner: Trix Rabbit
The two titans are neck and neck now. The Nesquik bunny is
confident and well respected and looks appealing. He is determined and is worth the money buy the Trix rabbit is cheaper and
will do whatever he is asked and the company can use peoples hate for him to their advantage. The next round we shall see
who is the beastial bunny , who is the reining rabbit , who is the real best of the best. This will happen....right now.
Round four {final tie-breaking round}: More entertaining/who
will stand the test of time and remain a star after their mascot days are done
Nesquik bunny: He is destined for great things. He could be
bigger than roger rabbit! He is charismatic and entertaining he will surely keep having a successful career even after he
is done with nestle.
Trix bunny: Whine , whine , whine. No one will want this peice
of trash for movie or t.v.
Winner and undisputed grand rabbit THE NESQUIK RABBIT!
Eventually the "buy in spite" trick will get stale and
the trix rabbit will be fired. Whether this will happen before or after he kills himself is unknown. People would rather be
entertained instead of hear constant whining from some failure rabbit.
We managed to catch word with both the Nesquik bunny
and the Trix bunny after the competition. Here is what the Trix rabbit had to say:
"Oh , I'll win yet , you'll see ha ha ha ha ha. I'll chop those
kids up in their sleep and than I shall be the one to taste the trix cereal in all its glory and I shall be the one to rule
the rabbit kingdom , not that spoiled Nesquik bunny ME! DO YOU HEAR ME , I WILL RULE THE WORLD!"
Then he burst into tear and huddled under a picnic table ,
so we had a word with the champ. Here is what he had to say:
"Aw gee , man it is a great feeling , truely it's an honor.
I'd like to thank everyone who supported me on this long journey to the top , all the hard time were worth it to get here
, it is a great experience. Maybe someday he'll get his Trix and grow some rabbit balls , but the Nesquik bunny is the best
and everyone knows it. I'm glad it is now finally official. It is just incredible to be held in such an esteem to be called
the greatest bunny ever! Especially with greats like Bugs and Roger. My contract ends next year and I'm still a young rabbit
so maybe I'll surpass them , y'know?"
After some more chatting he got back in his car. He seemed
to have a tube in his nose and a lot of white powder on his dash board. It was probably pixie stick that broke on the bottom
and its white powder went all over the dash board. He probably snorted it because rabbits have a mental block not to waste
anything and he figured his dashboard was dirty so it would be best not to put it through his mouth and his nose was the next
sensible thing. That must be it.
Next time we will explore why all the power rangers after the
original sucked. Such questions as : "hy did they make a million series instead of sticking with the original successful
one?" and "Why do sparks fly off them when they're hit?"
It should be exciting!
-J.J. Cook
